ahhhhh.......F#%K IT!

You’re just leaving a club or party at the wee hours of the morn and there's ONE thing on your mind….well, maybe two things, however, I'm talking about FOOD here people, and if you’re like me you are already trying to run through a list of all the places open.

 In Jamaica, especially Kingston you can perhaps list a handful of places serving food at the stomach raping 4:30 am. While some of us are off to our night restaurants; Burger King, KFC, Chelsea, Island Grill, 'Night Spot' among others, there are those of us who are off to the preferred pan chicken man on the side of the road. But before you start digging in and licking your fingers, have you ever stopped to think, where does this man wash his hands? or how does he keep his area sanitary? Does he even have running water? or a designated area for garbage solely? What from Narnia's closet is under his nails? There are quite a few health risks those of us who choose to dine from street side vendors are faced with.

It is very important to have a strong immune system simply for health survival purposes. For the "obsessively compulsive germaphobes" here are a few pointers one could check-out-when-eating-out:

• The overall LOOK, FEEL, and SMELL of the place…if it doesn’t seem right….it more ‘n likely isn’t, trust your gut before your gut never trusts you again.

• If a ball of hay rolls pass before you dine and the place seems rather deserted, no you have not discovered the IT spot to eat at before everyone else....get out and get out quickly. If barely anyone dines at this restaurant, and its BEEN open for business, there's usually a reason.  

• Having worked in the hospitality and food service industry for quite a few years, I always wipe my cutlery before use…take it from me, this may be a habit you’d wanna get into. NO restaurant is exempt, 5 star to no star.

• Ideally, running water should be available wherever you decide to eat from. People must be able to wash their hands…..with soap. This is ONE of the most important things you have to do in LIFE! There have been many diseases and viruses linked to the non washing of hands throughout history and presently.  I am not a firm believer in the overly hygienic “anti-bacterial gel/wipe” trend, unless there is absolutely no way for me to wash my hands at the moment. Why you ask? The extensive use of anti-bacterials in this day and age have been proven to cause “SUPER” bacteria….I don’t need to help in the development of any bacteria stronger than what my immune system can barely manage.  Am I preaching? AMEN

• Try to not sit too close to the restroom, I don’t need to spell out why right? See no evil, hear no evil…. smell no evil? Best to sit where your experience will be most pleasant and hygienic.

Either way, after drunkenly arguing with the pan chicken man; why I couldn’t get another slice of bread or when since a ¼ of chicken cost that or why he only has pineapple soda and no pepsi to sell me, I’ve finally acquired my meal.  Taking a relatively quick glance around at the slew of men fully enthralled in what seems to be THE conversation of the minute OVER the chicken on the flame, a few dogs (literally) chilling out a couple feet away, I take a look at my beautifully wrapped in foil chicken present and think….ahhh fuck it and I devour away. What doesn’t kill me will make me stronger…..I hope.

How to Keep The Fat Bitch Within

I am not a certified professional, however I have certified experiences.

Not everyone is built the same and as a result not any and every method will work, but one thing is certain and has proven results; consistency. In anything that you do to lose weight or keep healthy you must be consistent in order to see any results. You didn't get 'unfit' in a day, so why in Gods good name do you think you can get fit in a day.....Patience my friends...remain consistent!

I for one have had many ungodly food cravings and I must confess; overindulged on quite a few guilt ridden occasions. I have gone through that 'female depression' of not being able to fit into my clothes from LAST YEAR, the unhealthy dieting, the constant and annoying "hunny do I look fat in this?" among many others to say the least.

So overtime, I have developed a few 'commandments,' that being consistent with, have helped me tremendously in being comfortable with my body and feeling healthy....for the most part.

• Never, I repeat, never try on clothes after you eat or when that time of the month is nigh!....good lord man, why would you do that to yourself? 

• If you're gonna cheat, and by cheat I mean on your diet or have something remotely unhealthy, do it at breakfast. Why? you will have enough time to burn off those rogue calories throughout the day.

• Walk/run/jog/elevate your heart rate for a constant 20-30 minutes daily ATLEAST 4 days a week (yes out of the seven we are currently said to have)

• Moderation! sounds like a cliche, but yes, everything in moderation. Try not to overindulge; your eyes may just be bigger than your belly, change the size of your plates if you have to, and eat SLOWER. Eating slowly gives your stomach enough time to decide whether or not its full, sending this message to the brain, therefore giving you that full feeling before its too late and ya you've over eaten and 'ethnic' fatigue has sent its minions to destroy you.

• Don't give in to allllll of your cravings....throughout the days I can crave everything known to man, but for all you pasta, bread, rice, pastry, carbs, carbs, carbs loving people, you must have discipline. Carbohydrates arent all bad, if you must indulge try complex carbs instead. Because (yes i'm starting a sentence with because, BECAUSE its my blog) simple carbs break down into sugar, which is preferred by the body to use as energy, therefore the fat being stored, which should be the body's energy source REMAINS.....yep...stuck on your thighs/tummy etc. It has been scientifically proven that exercise inhibits these cravings, while boredom can be its catalyst....chew gum if you have to....it helps!

• Like they say...at breakfast you should eat like a king, at lunch like a prince and by dinner like a pauper....this saying is wise beyond its years...try n stick to it.

• DO NOT starve yourself....never do this! it makes no sense. When you starve yourself your body goes into starvation mode, it freaks out, holds on to as much fat as it can for survival purposes, and whenever you eat again it tries to save the fat in that meal as well, because it now thinks that hey! I may never get food again or for awhile....save the fat it says!....now YOU'RE stuck with it.

• If you must eat after the legendary and daunting 6pm, eat a very small portion and wait at least 2 hours before lying down and going to sleep...yea i said it...2 HOURS.

• Drink lots of water; it has no calories, it can quench your thirst, it does wonders for your skin amongst many other things, it also reduces the appearance of cellulite, cell-u-lite, uhuh..can you imagine that? suweeeet....Not to mention, your body is made up of mostly water....DO YOU NEED A BIGGER SIGN THAN THAT?

• Posture! having a good posture, will instantly take at least 5 lbs off your appearance....try it..go look in the mirror and see for yourself.

• Keep those stomach muscles firm! you've surely heard the saying "tuck een yu belly," well wherever you are and whatever time it is...keep those muscles toight!

• Regularity is a must, go and get that extra fibre if you have to. It has been scientifically proven that the intestines can store a lot of digested food...in excess of over 9lbs....eww, are you full of shit?

• Show me your friends and I tell you who you are? not necessarily......If you hang out with "fluffy" friends, you may not feel the need to follow a, lets say, healthier lifestyle, because perhaps in your eyes you have a long way to go, so you let yourself go...oh no no no OR If you have friends on the slimmer side of life, and you want to"fit in" you may try unhealthy methods of weight loss. Its not ONLY about weight loss but about your health as well.......so, whoever you hang with it must be your decision and yours alone to be healthy (not even the boyfriend must have control on your thoughts about yourself)... after-all it is indeed YOUR body. LOVE the skin you're in.

Till next time....